


The Struggles of Being Perfect

by xXBookwormXx



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: AU, Blurryface, Bridge - Freeform, Depression, Homophobia, Jump - Freeform, M/M, Suicide, joshler - Freeform, mature topics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-09-02 11:24:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8665675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXBookwormXx/pseuds/xXBookwormXx
Summary: Tyler Joseph's pretty sure life hates him. His life is falling apart around him as his boss criticizes him, his wife is divorcing him and his mother is sick. So he makes up his mind to end his life before it can get any worse. That's the only thing he can do, right?A guy called Josh Dun thinks differently.





	1. The Difficulty in Meeting a Hero

Tyler Joseph was tired of life. Stress was beginning to weigh down on him. He stayed awake at night, tossing and turning, unable to get to sleep and afraid of Blurryface, who might appear in his dreams again. He knew Blurryface wasn't real. 

But what Blurryface represented was very real. And very conscious in Tyler's everyday thoughts. And certainly not helping with his daily struggles.

His wife, Jenna was filing for divorce and his mother was dying. His boss was criticising his slowed work rate and threatening to fire him. 

Life had gone downhill so quickly that Tyler hadn't been sure what hit him. Everything had been perfect and then, suddenly his dreams were being haunted by a red-eyed man with a black neck and hands who looked like him but wasn't him and his life had crashed downwards.

Tyler would've liked to point the finger at Blurryface but Blurryface wouldn't let him. Instead Blurryface made sure the blame was placed on Tyler. And then Tyler broke down since he couldn't handle the blame.

He didn't understand how a figment of his imagination could grow so powerful. Tyler had long stopped trying to convince himself he was in charge of his own mind. His brain was Blurryface's playground and Tyler had to obey him. And now Blurryface wanted Tyler to kill himself. 

And Tyler couldn't help but agree with Blurryface. 

He'd once feared Death. But now it seemed inviting. Like a long sleep. Without nightmares of men with red eyes. 

And that scared Tyler out of his wits.

He once again felt the feeling of being a fly in a spider's web. Blurryface had tangled him far too tightly for him to ever get free again. He was totally in Blurryface's control. 

And Death seemed like a way to shut Blurryface up.

So that day, on the way to work, Tyler missed the exit on purpose and instead drove to a bridge. 

He got out of his car, climbed up on to the bridge and took a deep breath.

This would end it all. All his troubles, all his worries. He'd be free.

All he'd have to do was step off a bridge. 

He closed his eyes and took a ste- 

"Woah," a person said from behind him,"That's a bad idea, dude." 

Tyler opened one eye and turned his head to look at the person who'd stopped him. 

It was a rather short man with dyed red hair. His right arm was covered in colourful tattoos. He was well-built and rather attractive. 

Tyler just stared and then said,"Who the fuck are you?"

"Uh, I'm Josh," the man said,"Could you step down from there, please? I'd feel more comfortable if I was, um, talking to you while you weren't about to throw yourself off a bridge." 

"No," Tyler whispered hoarsely,"I can't." 

"Oh. Um, okay," Josh said,"Why do you want to do it? Kill yourself I mean. Unless you're bungee jumping without a rope, which is also a bad idea."

"Because my life is fucked up," Tyler said, wondering why Josh was even talking to him.

"In which way?" Josh asked.

"My mom's dying, I'm probably going to get fired and my wife is divorcing me," Tyler replied, partly wishing the guy would just leave.

"Woah. The does suck," Josh said,"But, hey, life has its ups and downs, right? Maybe tomorrow you'll win the lottery or something." 

Tyler didn't quite understand what Josh was doing. But he let him continue. 

"What I'm saying is - you're how old?" Josh asked.

"Twenty-seven," Tyler replied.

"You're only twenty-seven. You've got a lot to live for," Josh continued,"I mean, you'll never get to see your kids, your grandkids, grow old with your wife." 

"My wife is divorcing me," Tyler said, but he was listening intently. 

"Yeah, well you might marry again. You don't know what life has in store for you. You could end up saving someone's life, making someone else's day or become the greatest person in the world," Josh said, his smile wide,"Trust me. You don't want to do this."

Tyler thought about it for a while. And then he stepped off the bridge, with Josh's help. 

"Uh... thanks," Tyler said.

"No problem," Josh said, his smile lighting up his whole face.

And Tyler couldn't help but smile too.

"I'm Tyler, by the way," Tyler said, holding out his hand,"Thanks for saving my life..." And he actually meant it, to his utmost surprise. 

"I didn't save your life," Josh said,"I just spoke to you and then you decided to save your own life."

Tyler thought about that for a second. "I suppose you're right." 

Josh rummaged around in his pocket, pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, scribbled something down on and then handed the piece of paper to Tyler. "Here's my number," he said. 

Tyler blinked. "Are you asking me out?" he asked cluelessly.

Josh laughed nervously. "No," he said,"Just in cause you need to talk, you can just call me."

"Oh," Tyler said, smiling, "Thanks." 

"No problem," Josh said,"Talk to you later then." 

"Yeah," Tyler said,"Okay." 

Josh left and Tyler stared down at the crumpled piece of paper. He clenched it tightly, somewhat paranoid that he'd lose it. He would make sure never to lose that piece of paper, because that piece of paper gave him hope. 

__________

The first time Tyler had called Josh, Josh hadn't picked up, which had caused Tyler to worry about him for the whole day.

Luckily Josh had called him back about an hour and a half later. 

"Hello?" Tyler asked, unsure of who was calling him. 

"Heya. It's me," the person on the other end of the phone had said and Tyler let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding as the familiar voice flooded into his ears. 

Which of course had made Jenna Black, his to-be-divorcee suspicious. "Who's that?" she asked, eyes narrowed. They had been just discussing who would get what when they divorced. She wasn't usually a grumpy person, but she disliked interruptions. 

But Tyler didn't care. What mattered to him was that Josh had replied to him. Josh did care after all.

"Is this a bad time?" Josh asked, sounding guilty. 

"No, no," Tyler said quickly,"It's fine. It's nothing." 

"You sure?" Josh asked,"Because I can just call back...." 

"No, don't worry," Tyler said, ignoring Jenna's suspicious glares. He walked quickly into another room and shut the door. 

"Um... okay, " Josh said,"So, how's things?" 

"Fine, I suppose," Tyler said sincerely,"My wife's still divorcing me." 

"Oh. Well that sucks," Josh admitted,"Things will get better eventually. Don't worry, okay?" 

Tyler nodded. Then realised Josh couldn't hear a nod and was probably waiting for a reply. "Yeah, okay," he said quickly. 

"So, are you keeping the house, or what?" Josh asked, and Tyler thought he could hear a hint of hope to his voice. 

"Why are you asking?" Tyler questioned.

"No reason," Josh said a bit quicker than normal. Tyler assumed they were both hiding thing.

"Yeah, Jenna's bought a house up town," Tyler replied. 

"Oh. I see," Josh said, sounding a slightly disappointed.

"Yeah," Tyler said.

"So, you've got any problems you wanna talk about?" Josh inquired, changing the subject swiftly and saving the both of them from an awkward silence.

"Well, my wife divorcing is the main problem at the moment," Tyler said,"And.. um... I don't feel comfortable talking about the rest of my issues here, while Jenna's here." 

"Cool," Josh said,"Um... who's Jenna, by the way?"

"Eh, she's my wife. Well she was my wife, but she's gonna be my divorcee," Tyler said, feeling embarrassed for assuming Josh knew who Jenna was. 

"Ah. Thought so," Josh said,"If you don't feel comfortable talking about it there, you could come over to my place tomorrow and we could talk about it there." 

"Sounds good," Tyler said,"So, I'll talk to you tomorrow?" 

"Yeah. Um, I'll give you my address," Josh said and told Tyler the location of his house.

"Cool. Thanks, " Tyler said,"See ya." 

"Bye," Josh said.

Tyler put down the phone and went out to face an furious and annoyed Jenna, but Tyler's spirits were lifted by the thought that he could share his problems with someone who did care about him. And that made him feel on top of the world. 

__________________

Tyler knocked on Josh's door, hoping it was the right house.

Josh opened the door and smiled widely at Tyler. "Hi," he said. 

"Hey," Tyler said, his smile growing. Josh had the sort of smile that made everyone in the room feel a little bit happier and smile a little bigger. 

Josh opened the door. "Welcome to my house," he said. 

"Thank you," Tyler said, stepping inside. It was a rather small house, but Tyler liked it. It was cozy. 

"Sorry, that it's so messy," Josh apologised,"I, uh, didn't think you'd actually come..." 

Tyler was surprised to here doubt in Josh's voice. He'd assumed Josh was the self-confident, cheery person who believed in everyone. 

"No, it's fine," Tyler said, trying to be as reassuring as possible. 

Josh nodded and began cleaning some stuff away. "So, what is it you want to talk about?" 

"Uh... stuff," Tyler said, shrugging. 

"Stuff. I see," Josh said,"Stuff. Stuff. Talking about stuff is good." 

Tyler stuck his tongue out, a gesture which surprised him. He hadn't done something like since he'd began going out with Jenna. She was a nice person, but very serious. And Tyler felt as though he'd had to change for her. 

"C'mon, it'd probably be better to talk about stuff in my room," Josh said, standing up and leading Tyler to his room.

The first thing Tyler noticed when he'd stepped into the room was the massive drum kit in the corner. It was as though everything else in the room was set up around it. It was clear it was a prized possession. 

"You play?" Tyler asked. 

"Uh, yeah," Josh said,"Not very well though." 

"Could you, um, show me?" Tyler asked hopefully. 

Josh smiled. "Sure. It'd be my honour." 

Tyler sat down on Josh's bed as Josh sat down to play the drums. Josh looked slightly nervous. His body language was screaming that he was uncomfortable with someone watching him play. Tyler assumed he'd never played in front of someone before. 

Josh started playing. At first, it seemed like a load of loud bashing, as though Josh was just trying to be as loud as possible, but soon Tyler noticed the rhythm and surprisingly, melody of the drums. 

Josh seemed totally at ease while playing, as though he'd forgotten he was playing for someone. His nervousness was totally gone and he was only focusing on the drums. 

When he finished, however, the slightly nervous look return. Tyler clapped loudly and whistled, making Josh go a light shade of red. 

"Have you ever thought of playing professionally? Like with a band or something?" Tyler asked. 

"Never thought I was good enough," Josh admitted.

"You should try for a band," Tyler said, smiling at him. 

"I suppose it would be cool," Josh said, his smile getting wider. He put down his drumsticks. "Enough about me, we're here to talk about you." 

"Fine, fine," Tyler said,"Just saying though. You'd make an awesome drummer."

Josh smiled slightly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Thanks."

Tyler smiled in reply. 

"So, how's work?" Josh asked,"What do you work as anyway?" 

"Work's fine I guess," Tyler said, shrugging,"I work a typical boring office job. It sucks, but the pay's decent. What do you work as?"

"Uh, I own a record store. It's not very big but it's large enough," Josh replied,"My dad and mom didn't really approve of my job or my drumming or my anything really unless it was totally, well goody-two-shoesies or traditional. My sister didn't support me either, which was a bit of a shock since she usually supports me."

"I can't really relate. My mom and dad wanted me to go in basketball but I didn't want to, since I wanted to pursue musical career. And well, it didn't work out," Tyler said. 

Josh nodded slowly. "That's encouraging." 

Tyler glanced at him and smiled awkwardly. "Yup. Well, life sucks sometimes."

"Sure does," Josh said then paused,"Wait, I'm supposed to be taking the role of your therapist. So that means I have to encouraging and stuff, right?"

"Uh... I think so," Tyler said, shrugging. 

"Lemma rephrase then," Josh said,"No, life does not suck. It is awesome and someday you will see that." 

Tyler stared. And then burst into fits of giggles.

"What?" Josh said,"I'm trying to make you feel better. That's making me feel bad about myself."

"That was so forced," Tyler said, trying to control the laughter, which was only getting louder.

Josh pouted. "Thanks Tyler. I, as your therapist and new bestie, was trying to cheer you up and this is I get? You laughing at me?"

Tyler's face was red from laughter. "Bite me," he said. 

"You don't look very appetizing. Sorry," Josh said,"Maybe some other time."

"I'm going to die of laughter Josh. And it's gonna be all your fault. There's going to be a headstone in the graveyard saying, 'Here lies Tyler Joseph, who died of laughter on the unfortunate day of November 28th, 2016. May he rest in peace'," Tyler said between fits of giggles.

"I'll be at your funeral?" Josh suggested. 

"How would that make anything better?"

"I'd be able to apologise to your corpse."

"Why would that matter? I'd be dead!"

"It's the intention that counts Tyler. I'm trying to say that I would care if you died."

Tyler gasped for air. "I don't want to die of laughter, Josh!" 

"I sometimes wish I'd never been born at allllll," Josh said in an terrible singing voice.

"Do you really need to sing Queen at the moment of my death?"

"I can't help it if what you said sounded like a line from 'Bohemian Rhapsody'."

"I would stick out my tongue but I'd be afraid of biting it off. Tongue on the floor... that wouldn't be pretty."

"No, it wouldn't," Josh admitted, "I'd keep it as a souvenir though. That you, the great Tyler Joseph was in my house."

"Thank you," Tyler said, doing an awkward little bow. At least attempting to. It was hard to while sitting on a bed.

Josh laughed at the attempt.

"What time is it?" Tyler asked.

"Uh... half past eleven," Josh said, giving a Tyler a confused glance, which Tyler ignored.

"Shit," Tyler muttered,"Sorry, Josh, um I've gotta go."

"Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth," Josh sang, then continued in a normal tone,"Yeah, okay. Why?"

"I visit my mom at twelve. She dislikes it when I'm late," Tyler explained, feeling guilty for rushing out,"You should meet her someday. She's an amazing person."

"I'd love to," Josh said, smiling,"See you later then?" 

"Yeah," Tyler said,"See ya later." 

And with that Tyler left. But as he stepped into his car and drove away, he realised he hadn't laughed that hard in very long time.

He'd been almost sure he'd forgotten how.


	2. The Hardship in Introductions

After a few more bonding and "therapist" sessions, Tyler thought it was about time for Josh to meet his mom. He was really bringing Josh to meet his mom because... because well his mom had clearly been worried about him and he wanted to show her he was okay.

"So, why's your mom in hospital, if you don't mind me asking?" Josh inquired.

"Uh, she has COPD," Tyler said quietly,"She used to smoke you see. She quit last year, but it was too late by then."

"Oh. I'm sorry for asking," Josh apologised.

"No. It's fine," Tyler said in a detached voice, struggling to fight the tears pooling in his eyes.

Josh wrapped an arm around him. Tyler glanced at him and then smiled. Josh smiled in reply.

"Anyway what's your mom like?" Josh asked and Tyler was glad for the change of subject.

"Well... she's unique," Tyler said.

Josh grinned. "Cool," he said. Tyler didn't respond.

They walked down the white hallways in silence as doctors rushed past. Tyler had never been a fan of hospitals but ever since his mom was in one, he hated them even more. He took a right turning to step into his mother's ward and then walked towards her room.

Pushing open the door slightly, Tyler said,"Hey mom."A huff was the reply. "'Bout time."

"Hey! I was on time today!" Tyler replied, faking annoyance.

"Sure, sure," his mother replied."Hey, mom?" Tyler said.

"Yeah, that's my name, don't wear it out," his mom answered.

"I've got someone I want you to meet," Tyler said.

"You have a girlfriend already?" his mom asked, raising her eyebrows.

"No!" Tyler said, going red.

"A boyfriend?" his mom asked,"Oh Tyler, I knew it! I was just waiting for you to admit. It's okay, honey, I still love you etc, etc. Anyway where is this boy?"

"Mom, it's just a friend," Tyler replied, his cheeks heating up.

"That's what they all say," his mother said and winked.

Tyler stepped out of the room to where Josh was. "She's a bit sick but she's enthusiastic to meet you," he said, smiling.

"Okay, cool," Josh said, smiling but Tyler could see his hands shaking.

He was glad that Josh was doing his best to seem confident though because his stomach was doing backflips. He hoped his mother wouldn't say anything embarrassing though. Then he remembered who he was talking about it.

"Mom, this is Josh. Josh, this is my mom," Tyler introduced.

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Joseph," Josh said, holding out his hand.

"I like this one, Tyler," Tyler's mom said and smiled widely,"He's a keeper."

Josh had a dumbfounded expression.

"Anyway," Tyler said, breaking the awkward silence.

"Yeah," Josh said and opened his mouth to say something else before being interrupted by Tyler's mom.

"Do you have girlfriend, Josh?" she asked.

"No," Josh said, a slightly confused expression on his face.

"Oh? Would've thought otherwise, a handsome man like you," she continued.

Tyler turned away slightly, guessing where the conversation was going, but hoping he was wrong.

Josh laughed weakly.

"Is it because you have a boyfriend?" Tyler's mother inquired.Tyler could feel the heat rising to his cheeks.

Josh rubbed the back of his neck and flushed red. "No," he said, embarrassment clear in his tone.

The urge to leave the room was extremely strong but Tyler managed to hold his ground.

"Oh," his mom said, sounding somewhat disappointed,"I see."

"Uh. Yeah," Josh said.

"Do you hang out in gay clu-?" she started again, renewed hope in her voice before Tyler cut her off.

"Uh, mom, I think you've humiliated Josh enough," he said.

"But sweetie, they were only questions. They'd do no harm to anyone!" she said innocently.

Tyler sent her the death glare.

"Jesus Christ, boy, you'll kill me before it's my time," his mother responded,"Fine, fine. He can leave if he wants. "

Josh had a relieved look on his face. He quietly left the room.

"I think you'd make a cute couple thou-" she began before Tyler's interrupted.

"Mom!" he said.

"Fine, fine," she said.

Tyler was silent for a bit, before he spoke again. "How are you doing?" he asked, fighting to keep worry out of his tone. He knew his mother didn't like it when he stressed about her.

"I'm fine, sweetie, don't worry about me," she said, smiling softly.

"I know, Mom, I amn't," he replied.

"Bullshit," she replied, "I can read you well Tyler Joseph and I know full well when you're worried."

He smiled widely and raised his hands in surrender. "Fine, mom, I won't worry, okay?"

"That's better," she said, her smiling growing,"How's life for you anyway?"

"Good," he said.

She raised her eyebrows. "That's a change from last week. Is it because of your boyfriend-to-be?"

"No," Tyler said quickly.

"Mhmm?" she replied, unconvinced,"When you kiss him, tell me before you tell anyone else, sweetheart."

Tyler rolled his eyes.

"Just you wait. I won't say I told you so," his mother said, before her expression softened,"As long as he's making you happy, I don't care what sort of relationship you have with him.Unless it's an abusive relationship. Or he's making you do drugs. Then pack your bags and run for the hills."

He smiled and turned to walk out."Eh, I think you forgot something," she said.

Tyler turned around and saw she was pointing to her cheek. He sighed and kissed her on the cheek.

"That's better," she said,"Now, be off with you. Get out of my room! Give an old lady some time to rest!"

"I'm going, I'm going," he said, opening the door.

"And I swear, if you're late next week, you'll never see the light of day again!"

_______________________

As his visits to Josh's house became more frequent and the both of them grew closer, Tyler decided it was about time Josh came over to his house instead. He thought it was only fair.

Tyler had to laugh at Josh's astounded reaction to his house. "We have to go to your house more often," Josh said.

Tyler was glad to have Josh around the house. He brought life to it and Tyler felt as though he needed that. The house had felt empty in Jenna's absence.

Tyler managed to convince Josh to play Mario Kart 8 with him. It had taken time, a lot puppy eyes and pleading to do so. Josh kept on insisting he was awful, but Tyler wanted someone to play with him, no matter how bad. Josh couldn't be any worse than Jenna, right?

To be put lightly, Josh was worse than Jenna.

He was a lot worse. He made Jenna seem like a star player.

Tyler wondered how someone could be that bad at Mario Kart. It was almost as if he was purposely failing. He crashed every corner, got stuck multiple times and frequently died.

"Um...," Tyler said, after the eighth race,"I think we should do something else..."

"I was just getting the hang of it," Josh joked.

"Josh, you-you were dominating it," Tyler replied.

"Yeah, I was," Josh said, grinning.

"It was so amazing... I-I can barely believe it was your first time," Tyler said, wiping away an imaginary tear.

Josh nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I know."

"Let's go upstairs," Tyler said, turning off the TV.

"Sounds good," Josh said.

Tyler ran upstairs and Josh walked slowly after him.

"Hurry up!" Tyler said.

"I'm coming, I'm coming,"Josh said,"Slowly, but I'm coming."

"You're so slooowww," Tyler moaned.

"I'm here now," Josh said.

"'Bout time," Tyler said,"Anyway, this is my bedroom."

"Is this where you do the kinky stuff?" Josh asked.

"Yeah, this is where I do the kinky stuff," Tyler said,"Like, like, um, sleep. And think about life. And, uh, go on my phone."

"You have so much sex," Josh said,"I can tell."

"Yeah, yeah, I do," Tyler said,"Very active sex life."

"Very active," Josh said.

Tyler nodded. "Very active." And with that, he sat down on the bed.

Josh sat across him and crossed his legs.

"So, Tyler," Josh said.

"So, Josh," Tyler said.

"How are you?" Josh asked.

"I'm fine. How are you?" Tyler replied.

"I'm fine too," Josh answered.

"Good," Tyler said.

There was a silence. Josh was watching Tyler in a way that made him feel slightly uncomfortable.

Desperate to break the silence, Tyler spoke. "How's family life, Josh?" Tyler asked, remebering that Josh had mentioned something about things being tense between him and his parents.

"Okay, I guess," Josh mumbled, but Tyler felt as though he was hiding something.

There was another silence and Tyler noticed, once again, Josh staring.

"Tyler?" Josh asked.

"Yeah?" Tyler said, feeling incredibly awkward.

"Nothing. Nevermind," Josh said quickly.

A third silence settled, except this one was broken far more quickly. And not by words.

Josh leaned forward and before Tyler had a moment to ask him what he was doing, his lips were on Tyler's.

Tyler's eyes widened, shock hitting him first, before fading into passion.

He began kissing Josh with ferocity, his heart pounding as Josh's arms wrapped around his waist.

He didn't notice anything but Josh's soft lips locked with his and he didn't want to notice anything else. He nibbled on Josh's bottom lip.

Josh licked Tyler's lips and Tyler let Josh enter his mouth and explore it. His cheeks heated up as Josh did so and he wanted to preserve the moment forever.

Neither of them wanted to stop but out of need for air, they had to. When they did break apart, Tyler breathed in deeply, searching for air to fill his lungs.

It took a moment for it to click in his brain that he'd just kissed his best friend. "Well," Tyler said.

"That was a good kiss," Josh admitted, smiling sheepishly.

Tyler nodded in agreement. "We should probably do it more often," he said.

"Definitely," Josh agreed.

All of a sudden, Tyler recalled something important. 

"I gotta go," he said,"Sorry."

"Why?" Josh asked, confused.

"I swore that I'd tell someone if I kissed you!" Tyler yelled as he ran towards the door,"Someone very important. "

_________________

Tyler could hardly wait to tell his mom. She would probably smile and say I told you so, despite her promise to not to do so.

He opened the door quietly, his heart bursting with excitement. "Hey, mom," he said, grinning from ear to ear,"Guess what happened."

Silence was the reply.

Tyler assumed she was asleep. He shook her slightly and whispered,"Sorry for disturbing you, mom," he mumbled.

There was still no reply.

Slightly annoyed now, Tyler shook her harder. "Mom," he said, raising his voice slightly.

He began to panic, his heart racing and his breaths speeding up but he took a deep breath and reassured himself that it was nothing.

He turned her over slowly and the sight that met him sent him into a state of shock. Her eyes were open and glassy, her chest wasn't moving and she was limp.

His mother was dead.

Everything took on a dream-like quality after that. He remembered something about yelling for a doctor, grasping his mother's and shaking it. The doctors had rushed in and tried to pull him off her, but he refused, clinging to her.

Suddenly Josh was there, comforting Tyler and leading him out of the room. Josh spoke but Tyler never heard the words. He could only think of his mother's dead eyes, staring up at him.

Tyler knew she was going to die at some point but when it had come, he couldn't accept it. He didn't want to accept it. Why was it fair that she died while others lived? It wasn't just that good people like his mother died while dictators and murderers lived.

Josh kept on speaking, but it was like Tyler had gone underwater and lost the ability to swim. Nothing was being absorbed into his brain. It was like he'd lost the ability to function properly.

Then they were out of the hospital and in Josh's house and Josh was begging him about something and then he was kissing him and then Tyler realised he was crying and Tyler didn't care anymore and Tyler just wanted it to stop and Tyler just wanted his mom to back and Tyler just wanted the numbness and pain to pass.

A part of Tyler wanted to stay in dreamland, where nothing could hurt him and he was safe but he knew he'd have to leave strange and slow world, for Josh's sake more than his own.And he resurfaced again, out of the imaginary waters and feeling as though he could breathe again.

"I'm sorry, Tyler," Josh was muttering.

"It's fine," Tyler managed,"She was in pain anyway. It was for the best."

Josh smiled slightly. "Maybe you should be the therapist instead," he joked and Tyler appreciated the attempt to lighten the mood.

Tyler didn't want to show Josh how down he was. He didn't want Josh to worry. So he laughed and put on facade, to seem as though he were happy, though the truth was quite the opposite.

For the first time in a very long while, he could almost hear Blurryface's whispering.


	3. The Strife in Familial Matters

Tyler visited Josh more frequently, hoping to use the time to push away his depressing thoughts. A part of him didn't want to think anymore. He wanted Blurryface to leave so badly. But it was as though Blurryface was a disease which had evolved to survive the antidote.

And now Tyler was stuck with him inside his head again.

He knew the best thing to do was tell Josh, but he couldn't bring himself to talk about it. Everytime he brought it up, he freaked out and changed the subject.

But Tyler should've realised that Josh would ask about it soon enough. And that was exactly what Josh did.

"What's wrong?" Josh asked one day, out of the blue.

"What do you mean?" Tyler asked.

"You're not acting like yourself," Josh said, then paused,"Is your mom's death still bothering you?"

"No," Tyler said angrily. His anger was always near the surface these days and it never took much to set him off.

"We can talk about it, if you want," Josh said,"I'm always open to talk about your problems."

I'm fine," Tyler replied stubbornly.

"Please, Tyler," Josh begged,"You can't hold everything in, you have to talk about it some-"

Tyler interrupted. "Shut up Josh," he snapped,"You're always acting like you're so wise and smart and well, fuck you! You're neither of those things! You're just a sad boy with family problems!"

"I'm only trying to help!" Josh answered, clearly not wanting to fight.

I don't need your help!" Tyler snarled.

"Tyler, c'mon. Don't act like this," Josh said, sighing .

"Like what? Is it wrong to be angry at you because you keep annoying me about how you can help and to talk about my fucking feelings?!" Tyler said angrily.

"I don't want to fight with you. You're clearly not okay and I, as your friend, am trying to make everything better," Josh said.

"You're not my goddamn friend," Tyler said, standing up, his hands curling in white-knuckled fists,"You're just some dude I met in a parking lot!"

"I helped save your life," Josh said quietly.

"Yeah, thanks. But you didn't have to invite yourself into my life," Tyler replied, his nails digging into his palms.

"Tyler, please, just calm down and we can talk about this," Josh said, patting the bed.

"I don't want to talk about it!" Tyler screamed, attacking Josh's drum kit, knocking it over and kicking a hole in one of the drums.

Josh stared at the fallen drum kit, horror clear in his eyes.

"You were a fucking awful drummer anyway," Tyler muttered darkly, folding his arms, ignoring the guilt rising in his stomach

"Get the fuck out," Josh said suddenly, his voice quiet but deadly.

"No," Tyler replied, determined to do the opposite of Josh wanted.

"Get the fuck out of my fucking house!" Josh yelled, pushing Tyler against the door.

Tyler got the message this time. "Fine," he said begrudgingly,"But don't expect me to come back."

"I hope you don't," Josh said venomously.

Tyler looked for a reply, but found none. So he slammed the door as hard as he could and left.

He wanted to go back immediately and apologise and beg for forgiveness and say he was so sorry, but a stubborn part of him was determined not to give in. And that was the part that Blurryface whispered to.

_________________________

Tyler avoided Josh for the next few days but he found himself craving Josh's company. He was lonely without him and had no one talk to.

So, he held for off for as long as he could, but eventually gave up trying to fight the need to talk to him and went to Josh's house.

He knocked on the door and waited patiently, his stomach squirming, for Josh to answer. Josh opened the door.

"What?" he asked tiredly.

"I'm sorry," Tyler mumbled,"About the fight."

Josh smiled. "Come in," he said. He looked thoroughly exhausted.

Tyler stepped inside. The first thing he noticed were the multiple empty beer bottles. The reason for Josh's exhaustion seemed obvious now.

"Are you... drunk?" Tyler asked, eyebrows raised.

Josh shook his head. "Recovering from a hangover," he mumbled.

"I see...," Tyler muttered. He hadn't realised Josh drank. It was slightly disturbing knowing that the fight had taken its toll on the both of them. He felt guilt for not asking about Josh's well-being more often.

Josh simply nodded.

"Are you okay?" Tyler asked, almost slapping himself after he'd asked the question. He was clearly not okay.

Josh shook his head.

"What happened?" Tyler asked, following Josh to his room.

"Stuff," he mumbled.

"C'mon, Josh, if you can't talk about, I can't help you," Tyler said, utilising some of Josh's techniques, since he was a far better therapist than Tyler.

"Fine," Josh mumbled,"My family's refusing to see me because I have a boyfriend."

"Who is he?" Tyler asked, feeling a bit jealous.

"You. Duh," Josh said, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh," Tyler said, feeling stupid,"Um, why are they doing that."

"They're really homophobic," Josh said, opening the door of his room and sitting down on his bed,"They think it's disgusting and wrong." He put his face in his hands.

"Would a kiss make it better?" Tyler asked, smiling widely.

Josh looked up and grinned. "Maybe."

"Wanna find out?" he asked, attempting to wink but failing and blinking instead.

"Sounds good," Josh said, sniggering at his failed winking attempt.

Tyler kissed him softly. Then pulled away. "Better?"

"Not quite," Josh said, kissing him passionately.

Tyler kissed him back with just as much, if not more passion, nibbling his lower lip.

Josh deepened the kiss and wrapped his arms around him. He was holding onto Tyler as he never wanted to let go.

Tyler bit Josh's bottom lip harder, his heart beating so hard he was surprised Josh couldn't her it.

Josh moaned quietly and Tyler's stomach did a backflip. He tilted his head slightly to side and continued kissing Josh.

For a few moments, he felt as though he needed nothing but Josh. He didn't need air, or water, or food. All he needed was Josh and he could hardly believe he was so lucky as to have him.

But then he felt the need for air hit like a sledgehammer and he broke away quickly, breathing in deeply.

"You okay?" Josh asked, eyebrow raised.

"Yeah. Totally fine," Tyler gasped,"Except for the fact that we kissed for far too long and now I can't breathe."

"I genuinely don't whether to laugh or apologise," Josh said,"So I'll just sit here... You know."

Tyler snorted. "That's sad."

"What's sad?" Josh asked.

"You don't understand a joke," Tyler replied.

"That was a joke?" Josh asked,"That was pretty awful joke."

"Thanks for boosting my self-esteem," Tyler muttered,"I really needed it."

It was pleasure," Josh said, grinning.

Tyler rolled his eyes, trying to stop himself from sniggering.

"Hey, Tyler?" Josh said.

"Yeah?" Tyler asked, wondering what Josh wanted.

"Have you ever heard of the Tickle Monster?" Josh asked.

Tyler was confused for a moment before dawned on him. "Oh no," he said,"Don't you dare. Don't you dare t-"

He was cut off by the sound of his own giggles from Josh tickling.

"What were you saying?" Josh asked, smiling widely.

"Go away Josh," Tyler choked out from between the giggles.

"What? Can't here you above the laughter," Josh yelled, while Tyler rolled around with laughter.

"G-go away," Tyler stammered, his sides beginning to ache with laughter.

Why should I?" Josh said, smiling from ear to ear.

"I hate you," Tyler gasped, doing his best to breathe.

"No you don't," Josh said.

Tyler tried to glare but failed, breaking into fits of laughter.

"See. You can't even glare at me!" Josh said.

"Stop, Josh, please," Tyler begged.

Josh raised his hands. "Okay, okay," he said,"I surrender."

Tyler leaped at him and began tickling him hard.

"Tyler!" Josh screeched,"No fair."

They spent the rest of the day in each other's company. When Tyler left for his house late that night, he realised he'd forgotten all about Blurryface. Maybe Josh was still the antidote to Blurryface.

______________________________________

Tyler had been extremely surprised when Josh turned at the door of his house insisting he meet his parents.

"But I thought they disapproved of you?" Tyler asked, confused.

"They do," Josh mumbled, but added quickly,"But they're still my parents. And I met your mom before she..." Josh glanced at Tyler, who was glad that he didn't continue that sentence. Tyler may have acted as though he was fine but his mother's death still lingered on his mind.

"Anyway," Josh continued,"My parents are visiting later this evening, and I'm inviting them over. Maybe they'll approve of you."

"I hope so," Tyler muttered,"I'll see you this evening then?"

Josh nodded. "Yeah, that'd be great." He paused. "And wear a suit."

Tyler blinked. "Okay."

"Bye," Josh said, smiling widely.

At half six, Tyler arrived at Josh's house. He was extremely nervous and he was pretty sure his stomach was doing a full-on floor routine.

Josh answered the door, which Tyler was grateful for. Josh's hair was hidden under a baseball cap, as usual, except it look more as though it had been stuffed up it. He was also wearing a suit and he had a tired look on his face. His face brightened, however, when he saw it was Tyler.

Tyler was led by Josh into the dining room. He noticed the entire house was much cleaner than usual, which he found he disliked. It looked like a showroom rather than where someone lived.

He took a seat at the dining table, looking at the Josh's family members. He had a sister, who was rather pretty, with long dark hair and big blue eyes. His father was at least sixty, balding with a podgy stomach. He had the same eyes as Josh but they shared none of his son's kindness and happiness. His mother was a short but thin woman, with face that had clearly once been beautiful but had worn down with age.

"Uh, Mom, Dad, Jade," Josh said,"This is Tyler."

Tyler smiled awkwardly at them. Jade returned the smile but Josh's parents stared back at him with cold eyes.

"So, Josh is this your boyfriend?" his mother asked, causing Josh to freeze. Tyler flushed red.

"Uh, yeah," Josh mumbled.

The atmosphere at the table became far more tense and even Jenna, who had seemed nice enough, eyed Tyler with a disapproving stare.

Josh's mother turned her stream of questions on Tyler.

"Have you ever had a girlfriend, Tyler?" she asked.

Yes," Tyler replied,"A wife actually."

"What happened?"

"We divorced."

"Was it because you were gay?"

"No," Tyler said, annoyed at that question,"We felt as though it wasn't working out because we were frequently fighting and disagreeing about everything."

"Oh. I see."

Tyler, for a second, thought she wouldn't ask anymore and he could actually eat or talk to Josh, but his hopes were too high and he though too soon.

Do you have a job?"

"Yes."

"Did you ever notice you were going slower than your co-workers?"

Yes," Tyler answered, and couldn't be bothered to elaborate.

"Do you ever think it was because you were homosexual?"

Tyler didn't try to be polite. He glared at Josh's mom. "I was stressed because I was going through a divorce."

Oh. Of course."

Tyler braced himself for the next set of questions.

"You did you ever attempt suicide?" Josh's mother continued. Josh looked up from his conversation with his father and sister, which clearly wasn't going well either.

Tyler gritted his teeth. "Yes."

"Was it because you were gay?"

Tyler glared at her. "No. I was depressed because my wife was divorcing me, my mom was dying and my boss was threatening to fire me."

"Oh. I understand."

"Mom, please, just shut up," Josh said suddenly,"He's not some slow-moving, stupid, depressed animal because he's gay. He's a normal person. Being gay doesn't mean you're a fucking weirdo. Now, shut the fuck up, I don't want to hear about it."

His mother looked startled by her son's outburst, and Tyler felt the same way. Josh was a calm person, who rarely got worked up over anything.

The rest of the dinner was a tense silence, with very few things said. It was as uncomfortable as it was satisfying, an awkward silence, but conversation would've been far worse.

When Josh's family left, Tyler pulled Josh aside to talk to him. "You didn't have to stand up for me, you know," Tyler said.

"Yeah, but I didn't like what my mom was saying," Josh said,"And she wouldn't stop."

Tyler had to agree with Josh in that aspect. "But still," Tyler said anyway,"They're your family."

"Well, fuck them then," Josh replied,"They always were a poor excuse for a family anyway. I'd choice you every time over my mother."

Tyler's heart swelled with joy upon hearing that. "I don't think anyone would ever choose your mother over me, anyway," he said, smirking.

"Don't get big-headed, Tyler," Josh said, but the smile on his face indicated he was joking.

"Big-headed? Me?" Tyler said, grinning from ear to ear,"I'd never let myself fall so far."

"Yeah, I know," Josh said,"Because you're too perfect."

"There are struggles that come with being perfect," Tyler said, sighing,"It's so difficult being as amazing as me. Everyone wants to be you and you have to tell them that their dreams will never come true and they'll never be able to nearly as awesome as you."

Josh nodded, looking sympathetic. "I know, Tyler," Josh said,"I feel sorry for you."

Tyler sniggered. "Mhmm," he said, nodding.

"I mean, how do you ever get up in the morning, knowing that people will crowd around you and beg you to sign their face?" Josh asked.

"It's hard," Tyler said, giggling,"But I manage."

"Truly a perfect human being," Josh said, struggling to keep a straight face.

I know," Tyler choked out between laughter.

"Well, now the perfect human being has to go home, so that the normal human can sleep," Josh said, failing to keep a poker face and breaking into a smile.

"The perfect human wants something before he leaves," Tyler said, smiling widely.

"What's that, O Perfect Human?" Josh asked, bowing.

"He wants a kiss," Tyler said, puckering his lips.

"And a kiss he shall have," Josh said, pecking him on the lips.

"A better kiss, Josh," Tyler moaned,"You're such a tease."

"I'll give you a better kiss tomorrow," Josh said, winking,"I'll give you the best kiss ever in the history of kisses tomorrow."

"Fine," Tyler said,"But don't forget."

"I doubt you'll let me," Josh replied.

"I won't," Tyler said.

"Goodbye," Josh said,"I need to get to sleep. I'm exhausted. I need a looong sleep."

See you tomorrow," Tyler said, walking towards the door,"You owe me a kiss."

"I know, I know," Josh said,"I get it."

Tyler walked out, on top of the world despite meeting one of the meanest families he had ever had the displeasure of getting to know. Their son had a way of doing that to him. Josh was, in Tyler's eyes, the perfect human being after all.


	4. The Arduousness in Acceptance

The first thing Tyler did after eat his breakfast was rush out the door to Josh's house. He drove as fast he possibly could without being pulled over. He climbed out of the car, ran up to the house and knocked on the door.

He had imagined this scenario so many times in his heads. Josh would open the door and before he could speak Tyler would kiss him. And then, when they were finished kissing, Tyler would say that the debt was payed. And then he'd spend the day in Josh's company.

Tyler's heart was swollen with heart and he felt as though he was as light as air. But worry began to corrupt the happy mood when Josh didn't answer.

Tyler knocked again, harder, reassuring himself that everything was okay. Josh was probably just asleep.

When Josh didn't answer after ten minutes of medium/heavy knocking, Tyler began to panic. He pounded on the door, terror filling his chest and his hands shaking. Where was Josh?

He took a deep breath. He'd check if Josh was asleep. He probably was.

Tyler found the key that Josh hid under the door mat, after a few minutes of searching and opened the door. He stepped inside and yelled Josh's name at the top of his voice. There was still no reply.

He ran upstairs, on the verge of tears. Josh wasn't in his bed. Where was he?

He raced downstairs again. There was someone at the door. It was an young woman.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," he lied,"Um, I'm looking for my boyfriend... Do you know where he is?"

"Do you mean Josh?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Yeah, he went out to the corner shop," she said, smiling kindly.

"Thanks so much," he said,"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

"Not a problem," she said, turning to leave.

Tyler raced out to the car. He was partly annoyed at Josh for making him so worried but mostly relieved that Josh was safe.

He drove out to the corner store. And the sight that greeted him wasn't a good one.

There were ambulances and police cars everywhere. Tyler payed them no heed, but he couldn't help but wonder what had happened.

His curiosity became too strong and he walked over to the ambulances, his eyes sweeping the scene.

There was a man being handcuffed and a woman looking shaken up. She wasn't crying but she looked as though she was absolutely terrified.

"What's going on?" Tyler asked a nearby spectator.

"Oh, a guy was shot," he said,"He was defending the girl who the handcuffed guy was going to rape. The guy intervened before anything could happen apparently.

"Who's the guy?" Tyler asked, slightly worried.

"I dunno. He's short anyway, with dyed red hair. Um... Dark eyes... Black earrings," the guy said.

Tyler's heart stopped beating for a moment.

"That's Josh," he whispered.

He raced over to the ambulance, pushing people out of the way. He didn't care who he pushed over or annoyed. All that he could think of was the imaginary image of Josh's corpse. But when he saw it, part of him wished he hadn't seen at all.

Josh was covered blood. He could hear Josh's shallow breathing and for a second he allowed he allowed himself to hope but when Josh's breathing faltered for a several seconds his hope faded. Josh was dying. And he couldn't do anything about it.

He walked up to the doctors in a panic. "Is he going to die?" he asked, terrified.

"We don't know," a female doctor said,"The bullet went into his skull ... we think it's lodged in there."

"Oh God, Josh, please don't die on me, please don't die on me, please you have to live!" Tyler whispered hoarsely, his heart beginning beat faster.

"Ty-yl-err?" Josh choked out, his eyes darting around rapidly and his breaths short and shallow.

"Yeah, Josh, it's me," Tyler said, trying to keep his voice casual and not worry Josh anymore.

Josh smiled weakly. "I-I'm so-sor-rr-y a-bout n-ot gi-v-ving y-you that-t kis-ss," he gasped, struggling to finish the sentence.

Tyler opened his mouth but before he could speak, Josh was rushed away, leaving him alone and afraid.

__________________________________________________

Tyler sat outside the hospital room, feeling so lonely it was painful.

Several people had told him to give Josh their thanks for saving their sister/ girlfriend/ daughter/ cousin... the list went on and on.

But Tyler didn't want to them, let alone talk to them.

He hated them. Why was someone that was special to them allowed to live when his boyfriend was dying? It wasn't fair. He may haved nodded or even smiled but he wanted the person that close to them to be in Josh's position instead of him.

And he was angry at himself for feeling that way.

He shifted the blame to Josh then, cursing him for being so selfless, caring and compassionate. Why did he have to try and save her? He'd nearly gotten himself killed. Had he been so selfish as to think of the girl above Tyler?

But a part of Tyler knew that what Josh had done was a noble thing and he shouldn't be getting angry over it.

He then went on blame himself, thinking if he had gotten there earlier, Josh might not have put his life in danger. He should've saved Josh. It was all his fault.

As he cycled through the blame, he worried about how Josh was doing. He couldn't hear very much from inside the hospital room. He took a deep, shaky breath, doing his best to convince himself that Josh would be fine.

The thought of Josh's possible death was very different to the thought of his mother's death. Her death had caused him to go numb, but he had no luck like that now. There was no blanket that he could use to cover himself and trap out the world. He was forced to confront the tidal wave of feelings and worries.

He could only think of the image of the blood covering Josh's face, dripping down the sides of his head, the sticky substance trapped in his hair that was several shades brighter than it. He tried to push it away or to think of something else but his thoughts always returned to that one image.

Tyler did the one thing he didn't want to do. He broke down into tears in the hospital wing, burying his face in his hands so that people wouldn't come over and ask him what was wrong. He didn't want them to know. And besides how could they help? They couldn't bring Josh back to life.

He shook his head, trying his hardest not to think like that. Josh was alive. He had to be.

Mostly because he didn't know what he'd do what if Josh was dead.

He thought every doctor that walked in his direction was about to talk to him, or tell him that Josh was alive, but they never did. They just walked on.

Every minute of waiting seemed to stretch into an eternity. Time seemed to pass at a snail's pace, seemed to have slowed to a crawl. Tyler simply sat, buried in his own thoughts, hoping, praying that Josh hadn't died.

He had probably only waited for a few minutes before the doctor came out to him, but it had felt like years. But when the doctor did come out Tyler wished that he hadn't.

The doctor simply apologised and handed him a sheet of paper that was folded in half.

Tyler couldn't help but think of the scrap of paper Josh had handed him with his number on it the first day he met him. That paper was rumpled and torn. The one he had in his hand was without creases or tears and it was slightly warm as though it had been just printed.

Josh's piece of paper had given him hope.... this one made him scared.

He opened the sheet of paper and his breath slowed and his heart almost stopped. He shut his eyes tight and shook his head, as though it would change what was printed on the paper. But it didn't and Tyler scolded himself for even believing that it would. He folded the piece of paper in half and pushed it away.

Joshua Dun had died at 9:12 AM on Saturday, 17th of December.

_____________________________________________

It had taken every ounce of Tyler's strength to attend Josh's funeral. He didn't want to go and see Josh's corpse. But he went anyway. Mostly because he felt as though he owed it to Josh. And it felt rude not to go.

It had been held two days after Josh's death. When the wounds were still fresh.

He had visited Josh's house the day before. The house felt so empty, so void of Josh's warmth and joy. It was painful to go there. He had left quickly, the coldness of the house getting to him. He hadn't wanted to his last memory of Josh's home to be a bad one.

He had managed to find a tuxedo in his wardrobe, one he hadn't worn in a while. It was stiff and cold, just like everything seemed to be without Josh.

Tyler drove to the funeral. The silence in the car was unbearable, but his car radio had been stolen six days ago. Josh had said he'd help him find it. It would never be found now.

When he arrived at the funeral, there were so many people he didn't know. He felt like a stranger, alienated amongst people who most likely didn't love Josh in the way he had.

He wished Josh could've been here with him. He wanted Josh to be standing beside him, reassuring him that it would be okay and smiling brightly, not lying in a coffin, never to smile or laugh again.

The funeral was gloomy. Not many people spoke to one another and Tyler simply sat quietly. The seats were uncomfortable. Or else Tyler was. He repeatedly shifted and changed his position. He didn't pay much attention to the ceremony. He was deep in thought.

He wished he'd stayed inside his house. This didn't feel like honouring Josh's memory. This felt like a slap in the face. Like the world trying to remind him that Josh was dead and he would stay that way.

He wanted to call Josh's number at several points during the ceremony, hoping maybe Josh would pick up and Tyler would explain the whole situation to him and then Josh would laugh and invite him over to his house to talk about it. But Tyler knew that wouldn't happen. He'd just be left with a ringing phone, no answer on the other end. And Tyler didn't think he could face that.

He didn't want to believe Josh was dead. And that phone call would knock the reality into him. A part of him was clinging to hope that Josh could possibly be alive.

He looked at the people surrounding him. He noticed Josh's family in the front row. He wanted to get angry at them or tell them to leave. But what was the point? Why defend a dead man?

Tyler noticed most people around him holding back tears with hankerchiefs or willpower. But he had long passed the point of tears. And besides, was crying going to bring Josh back to life?

He didn't focus on the funeral at all. Except for the end when everyone walked up to the corpse in line and payed their respects to the family.

He didn't want to see Josh's body. He wanted his memories of Josh to be good ones. Not of a body lying in coffin, cold and stiff. But he went up anyway. He had to see Josh one last time before he was put into the ground.

When Tyler looked at Josh's body he almost didn't recognise it. Josh's warm smile was missing from his face and his dark eyes were glassy and lacking in emotion. His hair was turning brown at the roots and the red dye was faded. His earrings were gone and he was dressed in a neat suit.

Tyler hated whoever had chosen what Josh had worn. Josh would never have worn a tuxedo. He hated them. He'd have worn a blink-182 shirt and some jeans. Something casual. Nothing as fancy as that. And who had decided to take out his earrings? They had no right to do that. Tyler had loved those earrings. Someone should've dyed his hair again. It made Josh look far more tired without the vivid red.

But the real thing Tyler hated was Josh's dead eyes and his expressionless face. They were so void of life. They just stared up at the ceiling, yet saw nothing. They would never see anything again.

Tyler had often heard people say that the dead often looked as though they were at peace, or sleeping. Josh didn't look that way. He looked... Cold. And empty.

Tyler reached out and closed Josh's eyelids. He looked a bit more like he was in a slumber now. But this was one sleep he'd never wake up from.

Tyler turned away and walked back to his seat, the image of Josh's lifeless body seared into his head. That was another image of Josh he wanted to forget.

A man shut the lid of the coffin as the last people gave their condolences to Josh's family. Three other men helped the man lift the coffin and they carried it towards the cemetery. Tyler trailed behind, after the group.

They lowered the coffin into the ground. Tyler watched silently. He'd never see Josh again once they buried. He'd be six feet under. And Tyler would be up here, alive but alone... Again. Except last time he'd had his mother and Jenna. Now he had no one.

They covered the coffin with soil and mud. As they did that, Tyler wondered if it would've been easier if he'd never met Josh. Then he wouldn't have to go through this. But it only took him a few minutes to decide he would rather be here, in pain and mourning with memories of Josh than to be alone and hopeless without ever meeting him.

Soon, the people began to leave and drift away, saying goodbye to Josh's family before leaving. Eventually the family left too. But not Tyler. He stood there, staring at Josh's gravestone.

When everyone left, Tyler spoke, his cracked and dry lips moving for the first time that entire day. He found he spoke a lot less without Josh. He didn't have any need to speak when there was no one to talk to.

"You still owe me that kiss, you bastard," he said hoarsely, smiling weakly,"It's been three days now."

There was no reply. Of course there wasn't. He was speaking to a corpse. Corpses can't talk. A part of him wished they did. He wanted to hear Josh's voice again. One more time.

"Why'd you have to die, Josh?" Tyler continued,"Dammit, I needed you! I don't know what to do anymore!"

He would've been crying but all his tears were spent. He had none left.

"I'm alone now," he whispered,"Mom's dead. Jenna's gone. I can't go back to work. What's the point in having money if I don't know what to do with it?"

The graveyard was totally silent. No one else was there and the birds weren't singing. But why would birds sing in a place of such sorrow?

"I c-can't keep living w-without anything to live for," Tyler said, stumbling over his words,"T-that's not even l-living, J-Josh. It's l-like walking without g-going anywhere. W-What's the p-point of it?"

Tyler stared at the gravestone intensely, as though expecting it to reply.

"Of course you're not going to say anything," he mumbled,"You're dead. You're fucking dead. Why'd you have to die? It's not fair!"

Tyler knew he was repeating things, but he didn't care. He wanted Josh to understand.

"I'm alone Josh. I'm so lonely and afraid without you. I need you," Tyler whispered.

And with that, Tyler turned and walked off. The sun was setting and the clouds were pale shades of pink and purple, contradicting the orange sky. It was amazing and bursting with colour, but it seemed paler and less magnificent than usual without Josh.

_____________________________________

The next day, Tyler drove out to the bridge. He hadn't bothered to write a suicide note, because who would read it? The police? Someone who he'd never met and didn't care about him?

Blurryface had been whispering to him all night, refusing to let him sleep. Blurryface had confirmed all his fears, told him he was unloved and murmured to him that death was the easiest way out. And Tyler, in all his hopelessness, believed him.

So here he was, once again, standing on the bridge, ready to kill himself. Back at the start again.

He climbed up onto the edge of the bridge and stared down at the racing water, running towards the ocean, flowing and churning as it went.

He wondered for second if dying was painful. Was it like sleeping, quick and numb or was it drawn out for ages, every limb aching and every joint on fire?

What happened after he died? Would he meet Josh again? He hoped so. He was doing this for that reason after all.

Would he regret it the second he stepped off the bridge? If he did regret it, he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. He'd be falling through the air, awaiting his death.

He'd find out soon anyway.

Tyler glanced to his left, almost expecting Josh to appear and convince him not to jump. But he knew, deep down that Josh wasn't coming to save him.

Blurryface was almost screaming into his ear now. He was so close to the solution, just one step and then he'd be free, he'd be with Josh.

But as Tyler stared down at the river, he began to doubt what Blurryface was saying for the first time. Would killing himself really bring him freedom? Would he really be with Josh?

Committing suicide certainly wasn't what Josh wanted him to do. He'd have wanted to live on without him, to have a happy and full life, to marry again, to have kids, hell, even grandkids.

He watched the water speed away, his second thoughts about killing himself began to grow stronger. Why would he want to die? He still had so much to do, so much to live for.

It was Josh who started the doubts, but it was Tyler who stepped carefully off the bridge. He didn't want to die at twenty-seven. And he certainly didn't want Josh's effort put into saving his life to be wasted.

Tyler walked back to his car and drove away. Blurryface never spoke again, from that day onwards. And the silence of his car was, for the first time in a very long while, peaceful.


	5. Epilogue: The Simplicity In Leaving

At 77 years old, Tyler was tired. He had lived life to its fullest, becoming a musician for eight years before settling down, getting married and having kids and grandkids. But now, he just wanted to sleep.

He said good morning to his nurse Evie, who reminded him it was actually around eight o'clock and he'd better be getting to bed.

He shuffled into his room in the nursing home and lay down on his bed. He had met Josh fifty years ago, this very day. Despite his deteriorating memory, he'd never forgotten Josh.

His grandchildren would be visiting tomorrow. He'd better clean up the room a bit. He simply moved things around, not really cleaning, but Tyler thought of it that way and no one had to the heart to tell him otherwise.

After making his roomer "neater", he lay down in his bed and prepared to go to sleep.

"Hi, Tyler," a familiar voice said. He hadn't heard the voice in years, so he thought he was dreaming.

He turned over and saw Josh sitting on a chair across his bed. "Josh?"

Josh's smile lit up his entire face and his brown eyes were filled with warmth. "You seem tired," he noted,"You really need some sleep."

"I know, I know," Tyler muttered,"But why're you here?"

Josh's smile grew. "It's time, Tyler," he replied.

"Time for what?" Tyler asked, confused.

"Wow, Tyler, old age really does make you slow," Josh replied, staring at him as though what he'd said was the clearest ever and not baffling in any possible way.

"Oh, shut up Josh," Tyler said, but he was smiling.

"Two things," Josh said, also grinning,"Firstly, you clearly need a long rest. Secondly, I owe you a kiss."

"Yeah, you're only fifty years late," Tyler said grumpily.

"I can make up for it, I swear," Josh said quickly.

"It better be a brilliant kiss," Tyler murmured.

"Kiss later. But now, it's time for a well-deserved rest," Josh said, holding out his hand.

Tyler smiled at Josh and took his hand. And Josh smiled in reply and whisked him away into night while Tyler's old body slept.

The nurses found Tyler Joseph sleeping peacefully, a smile etched on his face. He never woke up, but he was happy now. He was with Josh after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to ensure that no one thinks I'm adding more chapters to the series, all updates from now onwards will be edits.


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